Some of you know more about my life story more than others, I invite you into part of that journey as you desire. It is my hope to inspire and support my readers along the way! I've been doing a lot of reflecting on the last two years lately, so you'll see snippets of my story throughout my blog posts.
One lovely perk to being a piano teacher is that I get all the same holidays as my students do! I'm looking forward to all the creative projects I'll be working on during this upcoming Spring Break. This will mostly consist of setting up my pottery studio at home. (Yes that's right! Can you hear the excitement in my typing?) This will make things much more convenient with time, transportation, storage, and attending to the stages of my pieces quicker! And hopefully I'll get to see more of your lovely faces as you come and visit me!
Aside from creative projects I love to use this time to catch up with dear friends of mine. During Spring Break of 2016, I took a little day trip to visit college and camp friends, as well as help a lovely friend of mine with some wedding decor ideas. I was very grateful for the long and refreshing walk I took with the twins in my life (you know who you are). I'm grateful for the trust and rawness we can share in our friendship. These wonderful women are full of compassion and wisdom (thanks ladies!). Our conversation lead us into the topic of fear. Fear in regards to the expectations we believe people have of us, that we have of ourselves, and of others. This creates an abundance of unnecessary pressure. It's suffocating. The last two years were a struggle for me in pinpointing things in my life that were holding me back from letting my musical heart be free. Free to share, to sing, to love. Music is how I've always processed things. Once something familiar becomes seemingly distant it's difficult to know where to turn. Those of you who are struggling to pinpoint fear in your own life, I'm sorry to say I didn't find the answer that day, but I did experience a new aspect of peace.
Where does fear come from? For me personally, it sneaks into my life when I focus too deeply on my circumstances or reputation rather than allowing my Abba Father to hold me closely to his heart, the One who has named me Beloved. I needed to get home. I started driving, I knew a blizzard was about to burst out of the skies. There's been enough blizzards in my life, maybe I can avoid this one. I left a little too late. The skies were already clouded over.
Anger. What's that? Am I really angry?
The snow began falling thicker and thicker. The windshield wipers were swishing back and forth full speed and still couldn't keep up.
Why does my family have to struggle? Oh God, why does Grandpa have to fight the battle of lung cancer? Why am I sick? Why don't the doctors have answers for me? Why did my cousin take his own life? Why is it so hard to adjust to change?
Was that my turn off? No, I need to go a little farther... where am I? Shoot. That was my sign way back there.
I can't recall a time before this that I was ever angry. Those of you who know me I'm sure would agree (well maybe not my brothers, oh childhood sibling rivalries!). It was just too much, I couldn't take it anymore, I felt so alone. I kept driving and yelled. My loud voice echoed, "GOD, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME? I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN!!" I was rather shocked by how powerful that one phrase seemed. It was my cry. A cry to hear truth, to have strength, to find faith again, to know that I am BELOVED.
The snow seemed to instantly clear. Although I had detoured, I knew where I was. I felt relief swoop over my being. Something inside of me broke. The dark and menacing sky was parting and the sun was setting. Oh my was it ever beautiful. A coincidence? I think not. I was on my way home.